Hands Fasting

Looking for information on how to hold a Pagan handfasting ceremony? Here's where we've got it all covered, from the origins of handfastings to jumping the broom to selecting your cake! Also, be sure to learn about magical handfasting favors to give your guests, and look for Pagan clergy in your area to perform your services.

Handfasting History: An Old Tradition Made New

Image © Caitlin Hyatt 2008, used with permission

Handfasting was common centuries ago in the British Isles, and then vanished for a while. Now, however, it's seeing a rising popularity among Wiccan and Pagan couples who are interested in tying the knot. Many Pagan and Wiccan couples choose to have a handfasting ritual instead of a traditional wedding ceremony. In some cases, it may be simply ceremonial -- a couple declaring their love for one another without the benefit of a state license. For other couples, it can be tied in with a state marriage certification issued by a legally authorized party such as a clergyperson or justice of the peace. Either way, it's becoming more and more popular, as Pagan and Wiccan couples are seeing that there is indeed an alternative for non-Christians who want more than just a courthouse wedding.

Spring is here, and love is in the air! For many people of Pagan and Wiccan faiths, this is the time of year for a handfasting ceremony. If you're lucky enough to have someone you love this much, there are a few things you may want to keep in mind while planning your handfasting ceremony.

• Plan as far ahead as possible, especially if you're going to be writing your own vows. It will be far less stressful if you -- and your clergyperson -- have been able to get familiar with the wording, rather than waiting till the last minute.
• Consider how long the ceremony is going to be. If you want people to stand in a circle, and have elderly relatives or small children present, anything longer than about half an hour is going to require chairs for some of your audience. In total, try to keep the ritual to about an hour -- if the crowd is really big, make your ceremony even shorter.
• Bear in mind that if you want to have a circle, you're going to need far more room than if you just stand at the altar with your beloved. Dancing, spinning, calling of the quarters -- all that stuff takes up space. Make sure that your location will accommodate all of your guests.
• Many Pagan and Wiccan couples hold their handfastings outdoors. If you choose to do this -- great! But make sure you've done your homework -- some public places like parks require you to have a reservation, or to fill out paperwork if there will be a large crowd present. When you make arrangements in advance, if you're concerned about public perception, you don't have to say "It's a Wiccan handfasting ceremony." Typically just the phrase "family gathering" or "we're getting married" will be sufficient, and both are truthful. Regardless, make sure you have permission to be where you're having your ceremony.
• If you hold your handfasting in a public place, be sure to respect the area -- if there are signs that say "no open flames," then don't have a bonfire. If food and beverages are prohibited, then don't have a potluck after the ceremony. Make sure you check into noise and entertainment ordinances as well -- the last thing you want is the police showing up at your handfasting because your drum circle was too loud. Be sure to plan ahead to have a cleanup crew -- designate specific individuals to be in charge of this task, rather than just saying "Hey, can someone pick up the trash?" as you and your new partner leave the site.
• If you plan to invite non-Pagan relatives or friends to the ceremony, you should probably prep them in advance. Don't ask them to do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable, but do let them know that the ritual has aspects of your spiritual path in it. Depending on just how Pagan your ceremony is going to be, and how your non-Pagan family feels about it, you may should let them know about any non-traditional activities before the ceremony -- and not at the last minute. That way, if great-aunt Matilda feels icky about you calling upon a bunch of gods she's never heard of, she can bow out altogether. It's a good idea to provide seating outside your circle for those who would like to watch but are uncomfortable with actual participation.
• Don't use your handfasting as a way of coming out of the broom closet. You need to be able to focus all of your energy on the handfasting itself, and not spend it worrying about what your parents are going to think when they find out you and your beloved are practicing Wicca. Have that conversation well ahead of time. If you have family members or friends who are adamantly opposed to your having a Pagan ceremony, remember, it's your marriage, not theirs. You can either have a non-Pagan ceremony later and invite them to attend, or you can tell them that if they can't attend your handfasting, you understand and you love them anyway.

It's become traditional to give each of your guests a small wedding favor. Typically, these are small trinkets with either the date of the event or the couples' names on them. However, if you're having a Pagan or Wiccan handfasting, rather than a traditional wedding ceremony, why not come up with an idea that celebrates your spiritual path, as well as announcing your commitment to the community?

• In some traditions, it's become popular to have a besom wedding. Decorate small brooms with ribbons, flowers and a bundle of fresh herbs. You can usually pick up little brooms at the craft store, or you can make your own.
• Make a magical charm for your guests -- perhaps one to help keep their own love strong. Put together a sachet or bottle of love-connected herbs (lavender, rosemary), stones or crystals (jade, rose quartz) and magical flowers (rose, bleeding heart, yarrow).
• Honey is sacred to Aphrodite, the goddess of love. Pour honey into small jars, and put a decorative label on them with the dates of your handfasting, or a prayer from your tradition. Tie a ribbon or some raffia around the lid of the jar.
• If you have a vineyard nearby, see if they'll give you a deal on single-serving bottles of wine. Label the bottles with the date of your event, and a small poem or prayer.
• If you cross-stitch or do other needlecrafts, you can select a pair of symbols to represent the bride and groom, and then unite them into a sachet pillow, a hanging ornament, or some other item. Napkin rings and key fobs are perfect for this project, although it does take some time.
• Suncatchers are available at most craft stores, and can be painted easily. Find something with celestial or fantasy patterns, and decorate them for your guests.
• Trees are a gift that goes on for a long time. If there's a nursery near you, look into getting small saplings for each of your guests. If the cost is prohibitive, instead use a plant that grows and roots easily -- spider plants, aloe vera, or air ferns are great.
• Gather up seed packets for flowers and herbs. Tie the packets in a bundle with a decorate ribbon or cord, and place them in a small terra cotta pot. Paint the pot with decorative symbols. You can get the small pots relatively inexpensively at craft shops or garden supply centers.
• If you're tying your wedding in with a Sabbat, which is a popular thing to do, consider making your favors connect to the holiday. If you're getting married at Imbolc, give out small Brighid's crosses, or if at Samhain, offer each guest a small cauldron filled with magical stones or treats.

Whatever favors you decide to give out, do it together as a couple. Put the loving energy of your relationship into the favors as you create them, and you'll be able to pass that harmony along to your friends and family in the gifts you share with them.



If you're holding a handfasting instead of a traditional wedding, you may want to do something special instead of just having a traditional cake. Sharing a cake with your new spouse is a time-honored tradition that goes back many centuries, so if you're looking for something a bit different, you might want to try something that reflects that history. The idea of the big ostentatious white wedding cake is a relatively new one; in fact, in days gone by, the wedding or handfasting cake was actually quite simple and plain. Sometimes it was brushed with sugar or honey if the bride and groom were well-off, but often it was just a cake with little to no ornamentation.
Originally, wedding cakes were provided by the guests. Each person attending the ceremony brought a small cake, and they put them all in a big pile. Eventually, as enough people arrived, you ended up with a giant heap of cakes. Around the Victorian era, however, that changed, and it became the responsibility of the bride and groom to provide a cake for guests. Now, it seems that the bigger and more elaborate the cake is, the more impressive people see the wedding.
Look at any wedding magazine, and there are three things you see in more photos than anything else. The bride, the groom, and a big honkin' cake. Some of these cakes you see in magazines cost hundreds and even thousands of dollars. If you're willing and able to pay someone an entire paycheck just to bake you a cake, then go for it. However, most people can't do that. If money is in fact a consideration -- as it is for nearly everyone who's NOT in a magazine -- then that's going to have some bearing on what kind of cake you get.
Ideally, you have a really good friend who bakes. Offer to pay your friend for the cost of supplies, and ask her if she would bake you a cake as her wedding gift to you. If she's a professional baker, even better! If that's not an option, find a baker -- a local one, not the one in your chain grocery store -- and explain what you want. Tell them what the theme of your handfasting is, and see if they're willing to work with you. If they aren't willing to work with you to make the cake you want, no worries -- go somewhere else. There are plenty of bakeries out there. If they offer you samples, try them!
One big cake or many small ones? Well, depends. If you have a few flavors you really like, you can certainly make several smaller cakes. Likewise, if you have guests you know have allergy issues, you can work around those. I recently read about a handfasting that had one chocolate cake, one spice one because the best man was allergic to chocolate, a dairy-free cake, and a gluten-free cake. There was literally something for everyone.
When it comes to flavors, try to pick something that everyone will enjoy, without being bland. A spice cake recipe would fit in well with a Medieval, Renaissance or other "themed" handfasting. They're easy to make, they're delicious, and it won't send your guests into a coma from sugar shock. Pound-cake styles are usually a safe bet as well, although they do tend to be heavier on the eggs and butter than other types of cake.
For decorating your cake, if you'd like to avoid gobs upon gobs of pink or white icing, try something a bit more natural. Candied mint leaves or fruits, even edible flowers or sugar-coated petals are perfect. If the bride and groom have a symbol they're using for their union, you can incorporate that as well.
For information on how to make and design your own handfasting cake, as well as how to calculate how much cake you'll need for the number of guests, be sure to check out Nina Callaway's Wedding Cake Guide.

Along with the popularity of handfasting ceremonies, there has been a resurgence in interest among Pagans and Wiccans in the idea of a "besom wedding". This is a ceremony also referred to as "jumping the broom". Although typically this is seen as a ceremony derived from the slave culture of the American south, there is also evidence that besom weddings took place in some parts of the British Isles.
In some areas of Wales, a couple could be married by placing a birch broom at an angle across the doorway. The groom jumped over it first, followed by his bride. If neither of them knocked it out of place, the wedding was a go. If the broom fell down, it was considered that the marriage was doomed to failure, and the whole thing was called off. If the couple decided they were unhappy within the first year of marriage, they could divorce by jumping back out the door, over the broom. More information on this can be found in T. Gwynn Jones' 1930 publication, Welsh Folklore.
During the early days of the American south, when slavery was still a legal institution, slaves were not legally allowed to marry one another. Instead, a ceremony was held where the couple would jump over a broom in front of witnesses, either together or separately. No one is really sure where the tradition originated. Danita Rountree Green, author of Broom Jumping: A Celebration of Love, suggests the practice came from Ghana, but she also says there's no hard proof of the custom existing there. Once African-Americans were legally allowed to marry in the United States, the tradition of broom-jumping virtually disappeared -- after all, it was no longer needed. However, there has been a resurgence in popularity, due in no small part to the miniseries Roots.
Some gay and lesbian couples have adopted the symbolic broom-jumping today, since they are not legally able to marry in many places.
The late scholar and folklorist Alan Dundes makes the argument that the tradition of jumping a broom originated among England's Rom, or gypsy, population. Dundes also points out that the broom is highly symbolic, saying, "the symbolic significance of the ritual to be the 'stepping over' as a metaphor for sexual intercourse. If a woman's jumping over a broomstick produces a child, one could reasonably assume that the broomstick has phallic properties."